Nerves before a game are normal. Fear that steals the fun from sport is a different thing, and it is worth taking seriously. Many teens quietly carry a worry that they will let someone down, make a mistake in front of others or never be good enough. The sport they once loved starts to feel like a test.
The good news is that the mental side of sport can be trained, just like fitness. Teens who learn how to handle nerves often find they play better and enjoy it more.
What sport anxiety can look like
It does not always look like fear. Watch for:
- Stomach aches, headaches or feeling sick before games
- Going quiet, snappy or tearful on the way to training
- Perfectionism, or being devastated by one mistake
- Avoiding trials, selection or the ball itself
- Overthinking technique so the body feels stiff
- Finding reasons to skip sessions
A teen who plays worse under pressure is not lacking skill. Anxiety narrows attention and tightens the body, which makes it harder to use what they already know.
Why it happens
Pressure comes from many places. Expectations, comparison with teammates, results that feel tied to identity, a sideline that is a bit too loud. For a lot of young athletes, the problem is that their sense of worth is welded to their performance. When a game goes badly, disappointment can quickly turn into a feeling of failure.
Unwinding that link is some of the most useful work a young athlete can do.
Six things your teen can try
1. Build a pre-game routine. The same few steps before every game, such as music, stretching and a breathing exercise, gives the mind a familiar pattern to settle into.
2. Use the exhale. Breathe in for four, out for six. Do it on the bench, in the change rooms or before a serve.
3. Focus on what they control. Effort, attitude, response to a mistake. The scoreboard and other people's opinions sit outside that list. One simple question: what is my job in the next minute?
4. Practise the reset. Mistakes happen in every sport. Agree on a physical cue, such as a deep breath, a tap on the thigh or a reset word, that means the last play is over and the next one has started.
5. Talk to themselves like a teammate. Notice harsh self-talk and swap it for the words they would use with a friend. This feels awkward at first and works with repetition.
6. Reframe nerves. A racing heart is the body getting ready to perform. Saying "I am excited and ready" instead of "I need to calm down" can shift how the feeling lands.
How parents can help
You do not need to coach the sport. The most helpful thing is often how you handle the car ride.
- Ask about the experience, not the result. "What did you enjoy today?" before "Did you win?"
- Keep sideline feedback to encouragement. Leave the technical advice to the coach.
- Stay steady. Your teen reads your face. If you look anxious, they will feel it.
- Separate your teen from their score. Say out loud that you love watching them play, win or lose, and mean it.
- Let them own the decision. Wherever possible, ask what they want from the season rather than telling them.
My own touchpoint
I walk into a ring knowing someone is trying to hurt me, so I know a thing or two about nerves. What I have learned is that the nerves never really disappear. They change from something that controls me to something I can work with, because I have a routine, a breathing pattern and a clear idea of what matters on the day. I also raise three boys, and watching kids go through sport has made me more convinced that young athletes deserve this training early.
When to seek other help
Coaching builds mental skills and is not a substitute for therapy. If your teen has panic symptoms, is physically unwell before events, is withdrawing from friends and family or seems overwhelmed beyond sport, please speak to your GP, a psychologist or the school counsellor. If you are worried about their safety, call 000.
Teens can talk to Kids Helpline themselves, free and confidential, on 1800 55 1800.
If you would like to work on this together
Sport, school, friendships and pressure are all part of my 8-week Teen Mindset program for ages 13 to 17, delivered 1:1 in person or online and tailored to your teen. It is $1,850 AUD. Your teen works on emotional regulation, managing stress and anxiety, confidence, motivation and resilience, and leaves with a personalised toolkit.
If you would like to chat, book a free 15-minute call. Tell me what you are seeing and we will work out what might help.
Questions
Are pre-game nerves normal for teen athletes?
Yes. Nerves show that something matters to your teen. The aim is to help them work with nerves, not get rid of them.
Should I tell my teen to just relax?
Usually that does not help. Telling someone to relax tends to add pressure. Offer a specific tool, such as a slow exhale or a pre-game routine, and keep your tone steady.
What if my teen wants to quit their sport?
Listen first. Ask what has changed and what they enjoy, if anything. Quitting can be a valid choice, and sometimes the fear is about one thing, such as a coach, a team dynamic or a fear of failing, that can be worked on.
When is sport anxiety something to see a professional about?
If your teen is physically unwell before events, avoids sport entirely, has panic symptoms or seems overwhelmed in everyday life, speak to your GP or a psychologist. Kids Helpline is on 1800 55 1800.